Broken Brothers
by Theartsynerd
Summary: Lately Sam has been acting weird and Dean notices it. But when Dean finds out why he is acting like he is and the reason behind that, how will he react? Warnings for rape and selfharm.
1. the secret

Deans POV

I sat in the motel room at the edge of my bed. I couldn't get to sleep, so I took up watching over Sam. I stared at Sam with worry.

' _I wonder what he is dreaming about that is making him toss and turn so much'_ I thought. Sam was moving all over the bed and was sweating.

Sams POV

 _I see chains and I here screaming. I see the cage and then my father. 'no no nO NO' I screamed._

I sat up in bed covered in sweat from the stress my nightmare has caused me. Almost robotically, I got up and grabbed my clothes. I went into the bathroom and locked the door. I turned on the water and stepped in after stripping out of my pajamas. As I wash I feel a familiar sting on my wrist. I look down and see the neat lines I have made. The cut was faint red and stung because I made just a few days ago. I look at the rest of my body. The sides of my torso is scarred with white lines, as are my thighs, biceps, wrists, and hips. There are some more cuts on my thighs that are older than the ones on my wrist.

I take one of the blades from my razor and stare at it. I decide to go with my torso. I place it horizontally on my side. I press down some and slide across. The crimson beads start to bubble up from the first cut. I make another just below it, this time pressing harder. Each time I press harder and harder. Only after did I realize how deep the cuts were. They were bleeding a lot so I took a towel and applied pressure. The bleeding finally stopped! I heard a knock at the door.

"Dude you all right in there it has been thirty minutes!" asked Dean, who is probably mad at me for taking up all the warm water,

"Shit I didn't realize what time it was, I'll be out in a sec," I threw on my shirt and pants. I hid the bloody towels in my night clothes then unlocked the door.

Dean pushed his way passed me shoving my side, I winced in pain. I hoped he wouldn't notice, but to no avail.

"Sam you okay? You hurt?" Dean asked calmly.

"No, just a little sore," I replied.

"Ok. By the way were staying here for a little while, we need a break," he said exhausted.

"Alright, fine with me," I said with relief. We did need a break we've been working day in and day out. Our latest case was a werewolf in Medford, New Jersey. Killed the pack off last night, they were a bunch of teens from the local High School.

I quickly threw the bloody towel in my bag below all my clothes. A few minutes later Dean was out of the shower.

Deans POV

"Hey I hear the swimming pool here is nice, and it's free, you want to go take a dip later?" I asked thinking it would be nice.

"Uh um no thanks I'm good," Sam said nervously, a bit too nervously.

"Dude come one why not?" I complained.

"I'm just not up for it Dean," Sam shrugged.

"Dude you know lately you've been acting strange. For the past few months you have been wearing long sleeves and jeans constantly, I shrugged it off at first, but it's now June and killer hot out and your still wearing long sleeves and jeans. You also have changed your bathroom routine, since when did you get changed in the bathroom?" I went on.

"Since always Dean!"

"No you used to come out with a towel around your waist and shirtless. Whenever I bring up something that we could do that requires taking off your shirt or long pants you get all defensive. What has been up with you man?" I asked getting annoyed with him.

"Nothing" Sam said nervously.

"Bullshit," I said. I walked up to Sam and shoved him on the bed. I pinned him onto the bed with one arm and started to unbutton his flannel.

"No no no Dean. Please don't please don't," Sam cried and gave me puppy eyes. But I had to do it. I unbuttoned his flannel and took it off Sam, who was now sobbing. "No please dean please," Sam cried then he started to flail his arms. I quickly moved to pin down both wrists. But what I saw shocked me.

Sams POV

Oh no he saw, he saw them. He is going to hate me forever. He is going to think I'm weak, just like what dad thought. I looked to the side, avoiding eye contact from Dean. I felt a drop of wetness on my face fall from above. I look at Dean, and see he has started to cry.

"Did you do this to yourself?" He asked in a raspy voice.

"No," I said.

"DID YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF?" Dean yelled at me. I looked away again, the shame hitting me hard.

"I'm sorry!" I cried.

"WHY? Why? What did I do wrong?" Dean asked looking guilty with every word he said.

"It wasn't you,"

"Then what? How long?" Dean said desperate for answers for why his baby brother is hurting. "HOW LONG?" he screamed.

"Since I was ten," sobs uncontrollably flowing out of my mouth. Dean looked heartbroken, I made him feel that way.

He got off me and drew me into a hug.

"Why?" he whispered in my ear.

"I can't say why."

"You can tell me anything. I want to help," he cried tears dripping down his face.

I hesitated at first but then decided to tell him. "I was ten, it was the day before my birthday. We were in Dallas, Texas. My friend Timmy and I were hanging out. Timmys brother said he had a birthday present but I had to follow him to get it. I followed him up to his room and he grabbed me. He touched me down there, fondled me, made me fondle him. He stuck his dick in my asshole. He raped me! He did it every day till we left. Then there was the fact if you weren't home and dad wasn't on a hunt he would…" I took a big gulp. "He would beat me. He would use his fists a lot, a few times he even used his belt. One of my guy friends from Stanford sexually assaulted me. And when I was i-in th-th-the cage Lucif-f-fer raped me too. He would do it so often to me that I gave up fighting." I said in a sobbing wreck.

Deans POV

I can't believe my ears. My baby brother was raped at age ten everyday and I didn't ever notice. I stood here in anger and disbelief.

"I understand if you don't love me anymore." Said Sam.

"No, I still love you. You hear me, never doubt it." I said sternly. I love you more than you'll ever know Sammy.


	2. our love

**Kind of short sorry. I do not own any of the characters. Thanks bye.**

Sams POV

Dean snuggled me for the first time in a long time. I've always wanted Dean all to myself, but Dean isn't gay and definitely wouldn't be into his brother.

"Hey dude stop scratching your cuts," he reprimanded as I did the action without notice.

"Sorry," I whispered. I never wanted him to find out I never wanted anyone to find out. A tear slipped out of my eyes.

"Hey why are you crying?" Dean asked me and held my hand. I felt comfortable telling him things now. I start to cry harder.

"Because when I turned twelve I tried to kill myself with sleeping pills because I couldn't deal with the pain. Then I tried again when I was sixteen because of dad. Then I tried again at Stanford because I thought my life was just meant to be pain. Th-then I tried again two months ago because I felt like no one loved me," I cried to him.

Deans POV

How could he think that I don't love him? I pulled Sam into and embrace and whispered in his ear "I love you. I love you so much, don't you dare think about leaving me okay don't ever leave me,". I now looked him in the eye cradling his cheeks. "Don't you dare leave me okay?" I asked. He nodded his head. I leaned in and softly put my lips on his. He kissed me back softly. I licked his lips asking for an entrance. He opened his lips slightly and I slipped my tongue inside. We kissed back at each other our tongues and lips moving in rhythm.

The kiss deepened and became faster and more passionate. I feel Sam nibble at me bottom lip a little. I moan in pleasure. I then suck on his bottom lip and he lets out a soft moan. He leans over me and makes me lay down with his body on top of mine. He slips out of the kiss and starts to nibble on my ear lobe.

"mmm," I groan. He moves down my neck sucking on different spots making me moan. He takes off my tee-shirt and moves down my chest to my nipples. He sucks on the right one, making me moan. He flicks his tongue over my nipple and my back arches and I moan loudly. He treats the other nipple just the same.

He starts to pull down my jeans slowly while working on my left nipple. He then massages my balls, making me hard. I can feel the precum leak out. He pulls down my boxers and looks at my hard cock. He puts his lips to the tip of my cock then starts to slide it into his mouth. He slowly bobs his head on my cock. He starts to speed up. I moan loudly at the great feeling of Sam sucking my dick. He flicks his tongue over the tip and I moan louder. He Keeps going faster and faster.

"I'm gonna cum," I groan. He takes my dick out of his mouth. He spreads my legs wide. He took his finger and seductively sucked on it. He put his finger into my asshole, I groaned. He moved it back and forth slowly. Then he stuck a second finger in and I whimpered a little.

"Do you want me to keep going," Sam asked.

"yes," I whimpered. He moved his two fingers back and forth till my asshole stretched some more. Then he stuck in his third finger and I started to cry a little. He moved his fingers back and forth slowly. When I adjusted he moved his finger a little faster. He then pulled out his fingers and put the tip of his cock to my asshole. "Go on," I said. He slowly stuck his dick into my stretched asshole. Once it was in he slowly moved back and forth. He went a little faster and I moaned loud in pleasure. He went faster and faster. "im gonna cum," I said.

"So am I," Sam said. He kept going until I cummed and he filled me up. He collapsed on top of me.

"I love you so much and don't you forget it." I whispered in his ear then we drifted into the darkness.


	3. the accident

**Sorry its been so long guys I have been going through some stuff. Life hasn't been easy lately and it has gotten in the way of my writing sorry**

 **Sams pov**

I woke up to the sun shining bright. I yawned and stretched my arms. _ugh what happened_? I looked over and saw Dean.

 _oh no oh god he found out, then we had sex. He probably didn't know what he was doing. He'll wake up remember and think of me as disgusting._ I got up and swiftly, grabbed my knife and ran out the motel room. I ran down the highway non-stop. I kept running and running, until I got to a diner. I went in the diner and headed for the bathroom. I pushed the door open and sped into a stall. I let the tears fall.

 **Deans pov**

I woke up and looked next to me. _Where is Sammy?_ I got up and I open the bathroom door and see that he is not in there. _Shit, I never took his knife away from him._ I looked in his bag and the nightstand for the knife. I grabbed my keys and started driving looking for Sammy.

 **Sams pov**

I put the blade to my wrist and pressed and slid. I kept blindly cutting, tears blurring my vision. When I stopped crying I saw that I cut to deep. Fatigue washed over me. "Dean," I whispered.

 **Deans pov**

I kept driving until I came to a diner. _Maybe he is in there._ I parked the car and ran in. I went straight to the bathroom there were only two stalls. I opened the first one, no one was in it. I saw red coming from underneath the second one. _Oh God_. I forcefully kicked open the stall. There sat my baby on the toilet covered in his own blood.

"Shit, how am I supposed to get us out of here?" I whispered, but I got to work anyway. I grabbed some toilet paper and applied pressure. I then grabbed some more toilet paper and settled it firmly on the wounds. I ripped off some cloth from my flannel and wrapped it around his wrist, on top of the toilet paper. I rolled down his sleeve and picked him up. I made sure no blood was seeping through and I shook Sammy.

"yeah" Sam croaked.

"Hey I need you to help me by walking while I help you" I commanded.

"ok" Sam mumbled. I lifted him with my arm under his arm. I slowly walked, Sam did too, putting one foot in front of the other. I walked by the front desk and the woman looked at me strangely.

"He had a rough night last night, he passed out," I lied to her. I walked us out into the car and rushed back to the motel room. Once we got into the hotel room I laid Sammy down on my bed. I grabbed the first aid kit and some whiskey and ran back over to the bed. I unwrapped his arm and removed the toilet paper. I poured some whiskey over the wounds, making sure to get them all. I grabbed a little sealed packet and ripped it open. I pulled out the sterilized needle and the floss. I carefully stitched his cuts back up. I cleaned his arm when I was done, then once again poured whiskey over the wounds. I wrapped his arm with gauze and let him sleep.

 **Sams pov**

I opened my eyes and felt a burning sensation in my arm. I saw Dean next to me. _Shit._

"Sammy why did you run away from me" Dean croaked in a raspy voice. I instantly knew he has been crying.

"I don't know," I mumbled.

"Tell me the truth Sammy" Dean said this time looking into my eyes. His eyes are red and there are tear stains on his cheeks.

"I woke up and remembered what happened last night," I whispered.

"what about last night?"

"I know you weren't thinking straight. You didn't actually want to have sex with me, you weren't in your right mind. You probably think i am disgusting now that you know how I feel for you," I started to sob.

"No Sammy I knew exactly what I was doing. I love you I always have. I love you more than a brother," he gently said to me as he cupped my cheek. He gave me a gentle peck on the lips. "Sammy you need to stop cutting what is it going to take to get you to stop?" Dean asked desperately.

"I don't want to stop, and I don't think I can." I said void of any emotion. Dean got up and sat on the bed next to me facing me. He rolled up his right sleeve. "What are you doing?" I asked worriedly. He continued and pulled a knife out of his pocket. "Stop it Dean" I started to panic. Dean brought the knife to his wrist and cut. Beads of blood started to form. I felt like I was getting sick. He made another. "Stop it Dean please" I cried. He made another and another. I cried harder "No, Please" I screamed, but he kept going. _Why is he hurting himself?what is he doing? Why is he making me watch this._ "Why are you doing this?" I sobbed.

Tears welled up in Deans eyes. "Because Sam, This is what it feels like when you cut yourself. Your hurting me too. When you cut yourself it feels like you are cutting me too. If you keep cutting so will I. Whenever you cut, I will make the same amount of cuts. I am scared Sam that one day you will cut too deep-"

"But I won't" I cut Dean off.

"But you almost did, today. what if you hit a vein, what if I hadn't arrived when I did. I can't lose you Sam, you are all I have left. And if this is what it takes to get you to stop so be it" he yelled.

I slid off the bed and onto the floor. "No you can't do this" I sobbed into my hands.

"Then you need to stop cutting" He said. I got down on all four and vomited onto the floor. Dean held my hair back and whispered "It will all be ok in the end baby, I promise"


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi guys i'm back. review and comment.**

 **Sams POV**

After I vomited I pushed Dean off me and cried. How could he do this to me? He doesn't understand. I love him but right now I am so upset at him.

"Sam, have you ever tried to kill yourself did you ever think about it?," I heard Dean whisper. I looked up at him right into his emerald eyes.

"Yes, I did try. Remember that time when we were on a hunt when I was 13 and I didn't tell you that the ghost had given me a gash in my arm and I had to go to the hospital because I took so much pain medication?" I asked Dean.

"Yeah."

"Well the ghost didn't cause that gash. I made it before we salted and burned the remains. I wore real heavy clothes so it wouldn't bleed through easily, also because it was winter. Well you guys didn't find it till we got to the hotel. I said the ghost did it because I was too afraid to tell the truth. Dad stitched it up and got the pain meds. When he wasn't looking I took like ten of the pills. The next thing I remember is being in the hospital. When you left Dad yelled at me for being so stupid for taking that many pills. I guess he didn't put the pieces together and neither did you. And yeah I would think about it a lot in college. I would right notes, but I never told Jess." I explained in a monotone.

"Oh. Sammy if you ever feel like cutting or killing yourself tell me."said Dean.

"It makes me feel good." I said.

"Well, I can make you feel good too" Stated Dean. He leaned over and kissed me. I kissed back. His tongue licked my lips for an entrance so I opened my mouth. Soon our tongues were wrestling for dominance, but Dean won. He unbuttoned my shirt as we kissed. He moved his kissed down my jaw and neck and chest. He flicked his tongue over my nipple and sucked on it.

"Mmmm Dean that feels good." I groaned. He moved down my torso and undid my pants. "Dean can we keep it north of the equator?"

"Why?"

"I just...it's a long story."

"I've got time tell me."

 **"** You aren't gonna like it "

"Spit it out"

"Ok. When we were in one of my schools when I was eight. How do I say this, um, one of my teachers raped me. But he wasn't the only one, even Jess raped me, it was an abusive relationship."

"Oh baby well don't worry i'll take care of that and sure." Said dean. We spent the rest of the night just kissing and snuggling.


	5. The Dream

**Hi Guys sorry I was in the hospital I tried to kill myself :( I won't do it again. I am sorry that is the reason I haven't been responding.**

 **Sams POV** __ _"Sam you are going to do as I tell you," demanded Mr Cane._

 _"Please Mr Cane don't do it again please i'm begging you," I whispered_

 _"No you are to take off your pants right now," Mr Cane demanded._

 _"No," Then I tried to run._

 _"Alright then you asked for it" Mr Cane grabbed my wrist and pinned me against the wall. He pulled off his belt he held both ends and flung his arm to my back releasing the side without the buckle. He whipped me several times Then beat me unconscious._

I woke up screaming and covered in sweat.

"shhh shhh babe it's ok," I heard someone whisper but all I could see is the classroom. "Sammy i'm here im right here," I heard the voice but all I saw was Mr Cane in front of me.

"NOOOOOOOO MR CANE PLEASE DON'T HURT ME," I screamed and tried to run.

"What the he-Oh Fuck," I heard the voice say. I heard footsteps. "Sammy your ok you are in a motel remember It is me Dean,"

"NO NO NOOOO MR CANE," I screamed. I felt take my hand and stroke it.

"Sammy your in a motel it's ok Mr Cane is not here. I love you im here just breath for me," I heard the voice say. I started to breath and slowly the vision faded. I was in fetal position trembling on the floor. "Oh Sammy," Dean sighed and then hugged me tight. "What else did he do to you? How else did he hurt you?" Dean asked with a blank face.

"H-h-he would b-b-b-beat me unt-t-til I was unconsc-sc-scious. S-s-s-sometimes he w-w-would w-w-w-w-w-w-whip me w-w-with his b-b-b-belt." I stuttered out. I started to sob and I dug my head into Deans chest.

"Don't worry babe we will get through this.


End file.
